If big decisions weren’t difficult, would that feel strange? Would we think we were missing something important or just being blind to the facts?
“In the space between yes and no, there is a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; it’s the legroom for the lies you will tell yourself in the future.” ― Jodi Picoult, Change of Heart
In graduate school I studied organizational decision-making. Fascinating. But personal decision-making is also a dynamic and intriguing landscape. We waver. We consider. We vacillate. We delay. And quite often, we change our mind several times before arriving at a final decision.
“WHAT I’M TELLING YOU IS, IF YOU WANT TO DO THINGS YOUR OWN WAY, YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION – YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND A LITTLE COURAGE.” ― John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany
But do you ever feel like a decision is just beyond reach–like a mountain you can see in the distance but can’t seem to climb? Of course it’s an illusion. There are no decisions really beyond our reach unless we simply can’t muster the energy to make one. Lacking determination also comes into play sometimes. If a decision doesn’t have a deadline, things can linger much too long, and without adequate self-direction, we may fail to move forward. Like standing in quicksand, sometimes decisions require us to overcome the inertia of the status quo–the comfort of the “known,” the familiar, the “safe.” Do people fall into this trap? Of course. All the time.
“Everything in us presses toward decision, even toward the wrong decision, just to be free of the
anxiety that precedes any big step in life.” ― May Sarton, Plant Dreaming Deep
And if you’re trying to make a major joint decision, be prepared for a nightmare. Not always, but it’s also quite common. Back and forth. Yes and no. Maybe or probably. Reading the future in terms of a decision and its ramifications is like dealing with unseen ghosts in your path. No one knows. Yet, both parties think they know, want to know. Quagmires develop. Progress is slowed. But, hopefully, someone finds a way to take the initiative–to step into the unknown with courage and faith in the days ahead. In the end, that’s what it takes. Strength, persistence, an ability to make a dream come true.
“Decisions should not be taken out of pride or embarrassment, but out of pure strategy.”
― Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom
Decisions, in my experience, are sometimes more difficult than they should be because each option presents a downside we want to wish away. So we overthink a decision in an effort to ignore, minimize, or rationalize the full reality of a choice. We want to do X, for instance, but first, we wish to eliminate or prevent something about X. Something we consider unacceptable or “less than.”
So we try to make Y work, but same thing happens: an unpleasant piece of reality comes with that choice. Feeling unable to accept the downside of either option, we are stymied, sometimes … indefinitely. It feels awful; we know we let ourselves down. We know we’re being ridiculous. Life choices are never 100%.
But, one day, if we can persevere–if we possess a certain amount of self-confidence–we can overcome our infernal procrastination and come to terms with imperfect choices–the way in which good and bad intermingle in our lives. The inevitability of reality, in other words.
Besides, what we “imagine” as being a negative may be nothing at all, only a feeble attempt to predict the future. As things evolve (the world is dynamic, fluid, ever-changing), what we eagerly labeled as negative may become something positive or worthwhile. We shouldn’t pretend to really know how things will go once a decision is forged. If we can accept that there are no “perfect choices,” we can liberate ourselves, instead of torturing ourselves with endless and painful weeks of indecision. Nothing can zap your energy more than perpetual indecision. So forge on, do what you can with the days you have: life is so very short.
“If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice and that unowned, disempowered decision
is nothing more than a cowardly ‘no.'” ― Markus William Kasunich
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